personal development

Did you ever think to yourself we just have two completely different ways of wanting to be loved?

Well, that could very well be true. But how well do you speak your partner’s love language?

I remember when I first stumbled on Dr. Gary Chapman’s work, it was a huge eye-opener.

You see it has nothing to do with if you are compatible or not necessarily.

It has to do with what love language do you desire versus your partner, and how do you go about showing it to each other.

Let me explain.

According to Dr. Gary Chapman’s incredible work (Thank you Dr. Chapman!), there are five love languages.


  • Words of affirmation

Compliments just send you over the moon. You want to hear that you are loved and valued and when that love is hurt or broken, you have a hard time forgetting it. Love, encouragement, and kindness from your partner without being asked goes a long way.

  • Quality time

You enjoy doing things together whether that means an activity at home or outside. Spending time together and connecting is what fuels that spark and fans the relationship flame. One-on-one connections and conversations are crucial.

  • Receiving gifts

You appreciate your partner taking the time and money to get you something special. Thoughtful gifts and gestures go a long way and small things matter in a big way.

  • Acts of service

Lending a helping hand, being arm in arm together tackling whatever challenge you are faced with, and alleviating the workload fuels your connection.

  • Physical touch

This one speaks for itself but sometimes can be swept under the rug. Your partner’s need for physical touch could truly be their love language and give them a sense of love that no other love language can provide.


This is not an all-or-nothing approach. According to Dr. Chapman, you can have a primary and secondary love language, so if you relate to more than one, that’s ok.

The point is this.

If you value this relationship, the work is on you both to do and show each other the love you desire, not the way you think they want to be love, or the way you want to love them, but the way they need to be loved.

To find out what love language you are, you can take Dr. Chapman’s quiz here, as he also has a ton of resources and books to help you dive deeper. We thank you Dr. Chapman for such incredible and impactful work!

Take Dr. Gary Chapman’s Quiz:


At the end of the day, you will never have the perfect partner.

They will always do things that upset you, aggravate you, and frustrate you.

Many times, we fall into the trap of thinking the grass is greener on the other side, only to be hugely disappointed.

Or maybe it is a relationship where you are not valued or loved in the way you deserve and it is time to walk away and honor your worth.

Either way, you have to put in the work. You have to love yourself and love each other.

You have to be self-aware and not think everything is your fault.

You cannot blame every downfall of the relationship on the other person without taking an introspective look at yourself to understand what role you played.

Maybe your partner is incapable of showing love because they were never shown love.

Maybe you have a wall up.

Maybe you don’t even realize how you affect their emotions or maybe you never had a conversation on how they affect your emotions.

It is when you get vulnerable that true breakthroughs happen.

It is when you do the work within, that you can truly have the best relationship with others.

You have to love yourself first before you can truly and wholeheartedly love someone else.

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