SHAME DEFINED AND HOW TO TACKLE IT HEAD-ON
Shame can stem from so many sources.
Body image, finances, mental health…..
Shame defined is different from guilt.
Guilt is something we see we did wrong, and don’t wish to do it anymore.
Shame is defined as actually not feeling good about ourselves and what we are doing.
Instead of the cause being what we did, we blame ourselves and ultimately feel like we are failing, flawed or unworthy.
If you have ever said “I am a bad mom,” you have experienced it.
Or maybe you experienced it from the outside.
Maybe that friend, or relative, or dare I say other mother judged you.
Mom shame is real. Here is how to tackle it head-on.
DITCH THE PERFECT MOM IMAGE
There is no perfect mom.
It is an unattainable image.
I don’t care who they are or what you see. They have flaws.
So don’t you dare compare yourself for one minute to them and beat yourself up.
Because you are amazing.
Yes, we make mistakes, but it is in that imperfection that we grow and learn.
All you need is the desire to be better and do better.
Show your children that you are not perfect, and neither do they need to be to earn your love.
And to those that judge you. To those that may shame you, forgive them.
That is a reflection of their own ego at play.
Their unawareness of themselves.
Their own judgments.
Their lack of empathy and understanding.
Do not question yourself.
Do not let their comment cast one shadow of a doubt.
Choose to be better.
Choose to rise higher.
No explanations needed.
Girlfriends with masks on their faces drink champagne while lying in bed. Rest is all inclusive. Hen-party.
ME TIME IS REQUIRED AND NOT SELFISH
Maybe it is a lunch with some friends.
A bath with a good book and a glass of wine.
A great conversation.
A walk in nature.
A business venture that fuels your passion and purpose.
Whatever that looks like for you, do it, and do it often.
Whether that means asking someone to come for an hour, or getting a babysitter, or asking your spouse to take charge for the day, do not hesitate in what they may think, or how they will manage, or if your kids will be ok.
Trust your own judgment and that you are leaving them in good hands, and for a good cause.
Take time for you.
To be alone with your thoughts.
To take a breath and check-in with yourself to see how you are really doing.
You will come back re-energized and centered to give an abundance of love to those you love the most.
CHALLENGE THAT INNER DIALOGUE
Now that we know and understand what shame defined is, now it is time to challenge our inner thoughts.
What are the thoughts that you are telling yourself throughout the day?
Is it celebrating your wins or punishing yourself for your mistakes?
What are you telling yourself when you look in the mirror?
It is through challenging those inner thoughts that we have the biggest breakthroughs.
What are your top three inner thoughts?
Where did you learn that dialogue?
Is it something you learned as a child?
Is it something you saw on television?
Who are you proving this to? Yourself? Your family?
Challenge your beliefs (and those of others) to understand the deeper meaning within.
Maybe they said something off-putting and that sent you into a spiral of thoughts.
Where did their comment come from? Did it stem from their own lack of awareness?
Are you insecure in that area which is why it hits so deep?
Are they unable to see their flaws or have empathy for yours?
Do you continuously beat yourself up because you do not feel worthy?
Where does that come from?
It is challenging these thought patterns and our triggers by digging deeper where we come to have a deeper understanding of ourselves and others.
Where we stop beating ourselves up.
Where we begin to truly love ourselves through the process, not because of what we do, but because of who we inherently are.
Because you are always beautifully and wonderfully made.
Need some extra love? Click here to join my group of supportive moms who will encourage you every step of the way.