personal development

Every have that one person that always has an answer for everything.

Or maybe it is that person that thinks they know it all.

Or that friend or spouse who can be super defensive.

Often what makes us most reactive is rooted in our vulnerability of past hurts and unhealed wounds. 


The louder you bark, the more you may be trying to prove.

Many times, those who typically have an answer for everything, are often their biggest critic.

Their need to be right is rooted in their ego of not wanting to be wrong.

The smallest infringement on that ego can send them into an explosion of anger.

Understand that sometimes those with the loudest bark, can be the most vulnerable.

They may not even realize it.

They may not be self-aware at all.

But if they had a stillness within, an inner knowing that they don’t have to be right all the time, that they don’t have to prove their point, the need to react would slowly disappear.

Are there times where we get angry. Sure. We are human.

But it is being aware, in that moment, of what is it exactly that is triggering you to react in that way in the first place.


Think about that last 5 things that made you upset.

What were they?

Why did they trigger you?

It is easy to blame others and say that everything is a reaction to someone else, and part of that is true, you are reacting to someone else, but the real question is why.

What is it about the argument that is triggering you?

Do you feel heard? Do you feel appreciated?

Did it trigger your self worth by you not feeling good enough? Or loved enough? Or lovable?

The truth about highly defensive people is that oftentimes that defense is a wall of protection, or reaction from something deep rooted that in fact truly hurts or scares them.

They may have never made the connection as to why they are always defensive, but underneath the outburst, is an unhealed wound that needs healing.


As long as we are searching for our own self-worth in others, defensiveness will always be a reaction to the hurt within.

The broken pieces.

But here is the truth about highly defensive people. Understanding why they are defensive by digging deep into their emotional triggers, and healing the root of the hurt is what will improve not only their reaction to those triggers, but ultimately their relationships with others and themself.

What are your triggers? I want to help.


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