WHAT IS MOM GUILT AND EXACTLY HOW TO DEFEAT IT

parenting

Mom guilt is real and can slowly creep up and consume you as a new or seasoned mom.

Maybe sometimes you just wish you could split yourself in two and be in two places at once.

Maybe you feel you are always disappointing someone.

Dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t

Here is how to defeat that mom guilt from rearing its ugly head.

FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR ALL THE GUILT

There is no mom in the world that has never lost her cool, never been overwhelmed, or thought they weren’t cut out for this at one time or another.

Forget what you see on social media or what they want you to see.

Forget the mom comparison game.

Behind closed doors is a totally different ballgame.

We are all human. Imperfectly human.

We make mistakes.

We lose our patience.

And we continue to remind ourselves how badly we screwed up, and the cycle continues.

Stop.

None of us are perfect, and we all make mistakes.

But continually feeling mom guilt and beating yourself up over what you are doing wrong, versus celebrating what you are doing right only hurts you.

Yes, maybe you lost your patience.

Yes, maybe you were ready to pull your hair out.

But how many times did you patiently comfort your children or roll on the floor full of smiles and laughs?

For all the times you wanted to pull out your hair, I bet you gave a million more hugs.

You see, sometimes empathy towards ourselves can be the hardest yet most important value we bring as parents.

Show your children you are not perfect.

Show them that you make mistakes too, and that’s ok.

They don’t have to be perfect and neither do you because you are imperfectly perfect.

GOOD ENOUGH IS GOOD ENOUGH

I know you want to maybe make your refrigerator look like those perfect ones on those home décor shows, or categorize every toy (I am so guilty of this), but sometimes you just have to walk away and know it is good enough.

Holding yourself to that perfectionist standard is unattainable.

It will only fuel your frustration.

Good enough is ok.

It does not make you less than.

It does not make you a bad mother.

It just fuels your mom's guilt as to why you can’t do things perfectly.

In fact, your productivity has nothing to do with your worth, because you are beautiful and wonderfully made as is.

Not because of how accomplished your kids are.

Not because of how pristine your house is.

Not because of the elaborate meals you make.

Your worth is your heart, your soul, your inner beauty, and your kind heart.

So love yourself regardless of how good enough it is because good enough is ok.

DIG DEEPER

Who taught you what it means to be a good mom?

Where does that mom's guilt stem from?

Was it your mother, your relationships, something a friend said?

Maybe it was something you saw or learned in your childhood.

It is these pivotal moments that define the definition we give ourselves as mothers.

Accept it won’t be perfect and that’s ok.

Maybe it was something you saw on television.

Or on social media.

And they all seemed to have it all together.

That picture or movie is not a reflection of the totality of motherhood.

It is the messes, the tantrums, the times where we feel stretched the most that can teach us the biggest lessons.

The times we thought we couldn’t but we did.

The times that we were forced to be brutally honest with ourselves.

The moments where we had to dig deep within and ask why.

It is those reflections that lead to those pivotal aha moments.

It is in these thoughts that we realize we are maybe compensating for what we always wanted or needed as a child.

It is in this vulnerability that we can heal old hurts and close past wounds to expand who we are becoming right now.

It is through the courage of facing these moments that we ultimately step into the fullness of our essence and who we ultimately are at our core.

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