Episode 24 Stop the overthinking
Hey, my name is Patricia Ciavarello and I am obsessed with all things motherhood and helping you keep calm in the chaos of motherhood and life's unexpected moments. I am a mom of twins with a doctorate in business who's world fell apart and had to pick myself up piece by piece. I am not an expert, but I have totally been there, and I am so far from perfect, but definitely not afraid to get real and vulnerable.
I teach you the secrets to motherhood and life I wish someone told me, because as much as we wish there was, nobody hands you a mommy manual. So pull up a seat, get comfy and get ready for me to spill my secrets. This is Real Mom Truths Nobody Tells You.
I am so grateful that you are tuned into this episode of Real Mom Truths Nobody Tells You.
As moms, we can have a tendency to overthink and I'm sure to go through the list of things that we overthink can run maybe even a mile long right. But let's just talk about some of them for a minute. And I'm sure no matter what state in life you're at, there are things that kind of trigger this overthinking more than others, right? So let's say maybe you're a new mom or maybe you just found out you're pregnant. Right? Maybe you are thinking about names or maybe you're thinking about which stroller to buy, or maybe you're thinking about a crib or bassinet, or maybe you're thinking about what to put on your registry, or maybe you're thinking about how do you know decorate or maybe you're thinking about what life will look like when they arrive, at all these things.
Right. I remember when I was pregnant oh my goodness. The agony that I would spend on websites trying to pick the perfect stroller or the perfect monitor or the perfect car seat. Those are all important decisions. I'm not trying to take away any of that, but to drive yourself crazy searching for that perfect stroller or searching for that perfect monitor or searching for whatever it is that you may be overthinking in that moment.
It just doesn't serve you. Right? Cause no stroller is perfect and no monitor is perfect. And at the end of the day, you have your mommy instincts and that serves you better than anything else. Right. But we get caught up in this overthinking and also not just overthinking, but asking outwardly, right?
Like some people ask, what should I name my baby? Or what should I name my twins and give me some ideas. And that's all great. I mean, you can get some really great ideas from other people, but I want you to trust yourself. I want you to trust yourself first and foremost, because you can get caught up in kind of a vicous cycle and let's take an example.
So, okay. Let's say now you're a new mom and your baby has a cold for the first time. And I know that as a new mom, that moment is like scary, right? Because you're not sure what to do and maybe a little panic sets in and you're worried. And you just question yourself, right. And maybe you're asking other moms or calling the doctor's office or asking family.
And before you know it, you can get caught up in this almost like this crippling worry where you're not even looking within yourself for the answer. And I'm not saying don't consult with other moms or friends or family or doctors or whatever that may be for you. Of course, but I want you to ultimately trust your mommy instincts because you know your child better than anybody else. And maybe right now, you know, it's a sickness, but maybe later it's something else and to search outward for those answers, doesn't honor you as a mom and all that you intuitively know about your child.
Especially with names, forget it. You tell someone what you're planning to name your child and, oh, that's what you're going to name them? Why didn't you choose this? And they make you second guess yourself, when you could have been totally in love with this name and knew it was the right one and all that takes is for someone's comment to just question it and I don't want that for you. I want you to be sure in yourself, and I don't want you to be swayed by the opinions of others. And look, it's good to get advice. It's good to get opinions. I'm not saying live on your own island, but have the confidence and sureness in yourself. You know, it's almost like putting on your favorite dress.
Right. The one that, you know, you look fabulous in the one that you know, that you could strut your stuff down that block and have the utmost confidence that you look amazing. Right. Even if nobody was walking down that block with you. Okay. Versus walking into a room where say maybe your partner or a spouse or a friend or relative is there and saying, how do I look now?
All of a sudden, instead of walking with that confidence within you, you're basing that confidence on what they say. And maybe they say, oh, you look beautiful, but you kind of already knew that. And I'm not saying that in a conceited way, I'm just saying you intuitively knew, this is your favorite dress.
You know how fabulous you look in it. You don't need somebody to tell you that you look fabulous to know that you feel that way because you are, and you know it. But if we gauge how we feel on the opinions of others, then that's not honoring what we intuitively know. Right. So let's just say you walk into the room and say, oh, you're wearing that dress. Oh, you're wearing that color. Are you sure you want to wear that? And then all of a sudden, every confidence and every strength and every comfort you've had in that dress has gone. And maybe the next time you look at that dress, you don't even put it on because you remember what that comment of that one person said.
When before, every time you put on that dress, you felt like a million bucks, right? This is the trap that we can fall into and I'm using a dress for example's sake, but it can relate to anything, you know, it starts by what product should I get my child to? What do I do when they're sick? To where do I send them to school?
To what should they go to college for? And it just, it starts this like outward search for answers that either you already know or is not for you to know. So many times we, we want to make a plan for our children and, you know, we want them of course, to thrive and do better than we have.
Maybe even not struggle, right? We want to help them in the best way possible. But what we think that plan is for them may not be what they want for themselves. And sometimes giving up that dream that we have for our kids in order to honor their true happiness and their authenticity and their journey is what we have to do as parents, because I mean, it's like the, the old saying, you know, would you want to be rich or happy? And I know that ideally you would say both, right. I want to be rich and happy. Right. And if you are rich and happy, then that's amazing. And you're very lucky.
But I would say from all the experiences that I've had in my life and all the challenges that yes, money is important to survive, and we need it to pay the bills and take care of our families. But I've actually been sometimes the happiest when I was just being authentically me and I wasn't worried about the money, or I don't want to say worried about the money, but money was not deciding how I chose to live my life.
And you could look at this from maybe a professional perspective, like maybe the job that you're doing right now pays great money or is stable and secure, but you're miserable. Right? And look, there is a responsibility right in providing for your family and paying the bills and doing all of that. And that it is a sacrifice, but you also have to honor your happiness.
And what that looks like is something that you have to search within yourself to find, right? Maybe it's pursuing something alongside that really fills your cup. Whether that be, you know, after hours or on the weekends, or maybe it's a career change, you know, maybe your environment at work is super toxic and you love what you do, but you just need a new group of people to do it with.
And maybe that's what it looks like. Or, or maybe it's a career change, you know, maybe you've always wanted to pursue a different field and you switched to that, or maybe you wanted to open your own business or maybe you wanted to do something creative or maybe whatever that is. And I bet you, if you look back, maybe that profession that you're in, that you may be unhappy about, it was all rooted in something someone told you, you should do, right?
Like, oh, you should, you should study this. That's a really stable industry. Right. And maybe you thought you liked it at the time and got into it and maybe realized it wasn't so great. Or maybe you thought it served you for a time and it's not serving you anymore. That's all okay.
But it's honoring that truth within you, that's nudging you otherwise is what really is going to give you that fulfillment and that happiness, because if we continue. Back to the overthinking, right? If we continue to overthink and really just crushing ourselves in every moment, like, oh, I'm really unhappy at this job, but I needed to pay my bills, but I'm super miserable.
And I come home at night and I'm so short with my family because I'm aggravated or frustrated or upset. Intuitively, you know what doesn't resonate, you know what needs to change, you know what is not serving you, but you're overthinking it. Maybe a little pivot makes all the difference, whether it's pursuing something alongside, whether it's switching industries, whether it's switching jobs within that same industry, whether it's honoring the creativity inside of you, whatever that is.
But the overthinking of it, you know, dates back to probably when you were a kid. You know, you were maybe told what to do or what to like, or what was safe or what was best for your future, and now it manifests into parenthood as, oh, well, tell me what the best stroller is and tell me what the best schools are.
And you're searching for answers externally. And look, people have great advice. I'm not knocking that people really do have good advice, but at the end of the day, you're going to know by pushing that stroller, which one you like or not. Right. You're going to know by going to work every day, whether you dread it or love it. You're going to know by how your baby is acting whether they feel good, don't feel good, what's ailing them and how to soothe them in those moments. Right. And I'm not saying don't take them to this doctor, or I'm not saying, don't ask other moms what you should do in a certain scenario, but I want you to trust your own intuition and your own inner knowing.
And that's what it really is, is that inner knowing that stops the overthinking, that inner knowing that is in a store and looks at something and says, that's the one, that's the one I want, or that's in a job and says, this is what makes me happy. Or that's in a doctor's appointment and says, no, you're wrong. This is what's happening with my son.
That, knowing that only, you know, that knowing because you are their mom and you know them better than anyone else, and that advocating for them because you ultimately intuitively know. So the more we overthink and the more we search for answers outside of ourselves is the more, we're not honoring that inner knowing and that inner truth.
And look, sometimes you have to talk it out. Sometimes you have to get to the opinions of others and sometimes you have to process it and absorb it and really think things through and certain decisions call for that. Right. Especially big decisions. Sometimes you just need to paint the whole picture and then sit back within your own thoughts and your own self and say, okay, I've gotten everything that I need to get.
This is what I think I should do. And you have to go with it and you have to trust yourself and maybe it's the wrong decision and maybe it's the right decision. But at the end of the day, it doesn't matter because it's your decision. And the overthinking is what is going to drive you crazy versus just the decisiveness of a decision.
Just make a decision. And you know, what, if it's the bad one, if it's a wrong one, that's okay. You'll fix it. You'll correct it. And if it's a good one, you'll trust yourself more. So I want you to stop looking externally for answers you already have within. And I want you to trust yourself and know that whether it's the right decision or whether it's the wrong decision, it's all good because you have the control over the direction it takes over your life. And if it's the wrong decision, you'll fix it. And that's okay. Trust yourself. You've known yourself longer than anybody else. Trust yourself and trust that you ultimately know what's best for you and what's best for your family.
As always. I promise to be here for you and serve you and cheer you on every step of the way and spill all the secrets of motherhood and life.
I wish someone told me, thank you so much for listening to this episode of real mom truths. Nobody tells you podcast until next time. Keep on celebrating you because you, my friend, you are so worth it. I'm literally doing my happy dance with you because you just finished another episode of real mom truths.
Nobody tells you. I felt like that episode flew by way too fast. Right? If you want more head over to real mom truths.com for show notes, and if you're looking for a new mom crew to uplift and encourage you and for helpful tips, be sure to join me and my community on Facebook. The link is waiting for [email protected]